No Fear

Yesterday, one of my cousins and closest friends, threw a question at me that really got me thinking. She said, "As parents we fear what others will think or how they will treat our child but should we let that stop us from letting our child live to the fullest?" My answer is, "NO! We should not let fear ever control our lives." I let it control my life every single day, though. A lot of that fear comes for past hurt. Hurt from family and those I considered friends. Every decision I make for my children is based on my fear of having to explain my decision and if others will understand the choices I make.

I have been asked why I want Jennifer to try things that "she can't handle." How do you know Jennifer can't handle it? Did you give her the chance to try? Are you afraid that she won't handle it the way other kids do or that you may have to work a little harder teaching her? 

I have been told that Jennifer "won't listen." Did you really try to understand why she wouldn't do what you asked? Did you remember that this is the very first time she's been with you without her parents? Did you, as the adult, establish that you were the authority, without being threatening?

Nick and I have heard that we "don't come around anymore." Would you bring your children around those that treat them as if they aren't important? Would you want your children to be put in situations where expectations for others were less than those for them?

I am not going to have anyone in my family mistreated. The fact that others choose to think that we can just have ourselves conform to their expectations and schedules is not realistic. Yes, most of our family can go with the flow, but Jennifer cannot. She needs preparation and structure. If she's put into unfamiliar situations or unexpectedly taken off schedule, her reaction is not always going to be "typical." She may do fine some days. Yet, other days, she may go pure crazy. It's not fun for us to deal with, but we accept her where she is. We acknowledge that she's different and take time to explain things to her.



I cannot and will not any longer allow my family to walk into situations that are going to be physically, mentally and emotionally dangerous. I have made choices, in the past, to protect others feelings over protecting my family's well being. I know that sounds like I've put us in dangerous circumstances, but I haven't.

I have, however, chosen to take Jennifer into overstimulating, stressful situations when I should have just said no. I have chosen to spare others feeling and not put myself through the torture of having to hear how our family never shows up. I have chosen to neglect alone time with my oldest son, Jonathan, because I don't trust ANYONE to take care of his sister. I have lived in fear that she won't be watched closely enough, that her caregiver may not understand what she's said or why she's chosen to "overreact" to something we would consider minute. I have lived afraid for over 9 years!

With the support of my wonderful husband, oldest son, parents and other close family and friends, I am no longer choosing to worry about other people. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I'm tired. Fear is exhausting! Fear is controlling! Fear is dangerous!

So, moving forward, if I have to tell someone "no", I am not going to feel responsible for their feelings or their reactions. I cannot afford to allow my fears to dictate my decisions. I can and will do what's best for my entire family at all times.